


now or never

by orphan_account



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Choi Soobin/Huening Kai, Not Beta Read, Partying, Pining, Post-Graduation, Secrets, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: feelings are kind of stupid, taehyun decides, but he takes the risk anyway.or, when taehyun confesses to choi yeonjun on the night of their high school graduation, ready to lift the weight of his long-harbored childhood crush off from his chest.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai, Choi Yeonjun/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 101





	1. act one

thirteen years of american schooling culminates in one event, the infamous high school graduation. kang taehyun feels conflicted about the end of his four year high school career, a time of nothing but constant sleep deprivation for the boy. he has always been prone to working himself into a state of misery for weeks on end. taehyun was so, so focused on achieving that number one spot at the top of his class by the end of senior year. consequently, everything else about the high school experience was promptly shoved aside in favor of perfecting his transcript. when his friends invited him out to parties or such, taehyun always had to decline for the sake of the busy night of homework on his schedule. it was a boring life to live, to say the least. taehyun knew that, and he could admit it honestly, but he still thought that it would be worth it in the end.

however, now sitting with the “valedictorian” pin folded in his hands, taehyun isn’t so sure anymore.

it’s the night of his school’s senior awards ceremony, which conveniently falls on the last day of classes. while all of the students certainly enjoy the prestige of winning, everyone was awaiting the true main event of the last day of school. see, at taehyun’s school, seniors would sit out on the field following the award show and play one big game of truth or drink. sometimes dares were included as well, but it’s basically one big excuse for the teenagers to confess their secrets before they leave town for good, or to just get wasted, or both. taehyun’s best friend, beomgyu, hides a flask in the inner pocket of his blazer for that ending celebration. sitting a few seats over, the blonde boy flashes taehyun a good-natured grin as he peeks over during a lull in the ceremony, pumping his fists while pointing at the valedictorian button taehyun holds as a means of congratulations. 

taehyun looks down at it briefly. the pin is shiny gold, with a mini purple and white fabric flag connected to its bottom. it feels slightly weighty in his hands. he runs his nimble fingers over the metal, before glancing back up at his blonde-haired friend. however, his eyes mistakenly flit a few seats over from beomgyu, and he catches yeonjun’s gaze.

the blue-haired boy smiles when taehyun meets his eyes, briefly waving. taehyun, with widening eyes, beams back before offering the boy a thumbs up.

yeonjun’s eyes crinkle before he turns away. taehyun can’t help but stare longer.

curse the spirits for having taehyun be best friends with a choi. curse the spirits for making beomgyu and yeonjun share a surname and sit only one seat apart during ceremonies (his friend and student council president choi soobin is supposed to be sitting in between them, but he’s so adored by the staff that he gets to choose his seat during the award show, and promptly decides to sit with his boyfriend huening kai a few rows down. taehyun finds a clear issue with this arrangement, as he needs soobin as a buffer to block yeonjun from his line of sight).

everything about yeonjun knocks taehyun off-kitler. see, taehyun is not a sap by anyone’s account. contrary to popular belief, he does have a heart and actually enjoys a good romance story here and there, but he still never really had many crushes or anything. of course, then he had to meet choi yeonjun at the beginning of middle school, when they were paired up to be seatmates in english class. yeonjun, without even trying, had managed to enamour taehyun from day one. still, their connection never materialized in anything too special, as the two merely remained casual friends for the next seven years. their relationship mainly just consists of attending some of the same classes and occasionally sending over a text about coursework (to be honest, most of the time it’s yeonjun asking taehyun for homework answers, but taehyun still gets butterflies whenever his slightly older friend would text him, no matter the subject, even though he hates to admit it. plus, yeonjun has the kindest soul in the world and always makes sure to thank taehyun profusely for his help). 

there’s a lot of ways taehyun can describe what it’s like to love yeonjun, with so many adjectives coming to mind but none of them being able to summarize what exactly the feeling is. taehyun eventually decides that his love is nothing if not all-consuming, to put it best. 

because being in love with yeonjun is one long shockwave. there is electricity biting at his limbs, creating tingling sparks in his fingertips whenever he thinks of the other. it’s hypnotic, drawing taehyun back no matter how many times he gets shocked. often, the thrill of the situation dulls the pain. taehyun wouldn’t consider himself a huge spiritual person either, but there definitely is something magical about how yeonjun’s mere existence can boost his serotonin levels (one day, beomgyu witnesses taehyun’s ‘yeonjun grin’, as he now coins it-- to taehyun’s utter annoyance. despite him trying to convince beomgyu that he hadn’t been texting anyone, beomgyu wrestled taehyun to his bed, stealing his phone to figure out just who made taehyun ‘look so starry-eyed.’ taehyun had to cross his arms and petulantly huff a few times until beomgyu conceded and gave back his phone so taehyun could continue to complain about history assignments with yeonjun over imessage). 

but other times, it hurts a lot more, the thought of how utterly unrequited his love probably is. sometimes taehyun just feels hot and heavy with fear, shame filling his lungs to the brim until he’s drowning in a whirlpool of unsaid confessions.

it is so easy to love yeonjun, taehyun decides. their entire friendship has been built on mutual care and respect for each other. taehyun distinctly remembers those few low, low weeks he had during the beginning of freshman year, and how yeonjun would always send over quick snapchat messages to check up on him during that time. taehyun thinks back to the first day they met, when yeonjun quickly slid his desk over to sit near him, the new kid, when the teacher needed to find him a partner, complying easily despite already sitting with his friends. yeonjun didn’t even know anything about the boy, but he sent taehyun that dazzling smile of his as he introduced himself, and taehyun was gone. he didn’t even stand a chance, he realizes as he reflects on that one day they spent sitting on their middle school’s front lawn, trading secrets and desires that seem too trivial to them now but were groundbreakingly sincere to two thirteen year olds. then there are their numerous walks home together, yeonjun’s birthday party in the tenth grade, and the endless array of jokes that have been whispered back and forth between the duo from the corners of classrooms. taehyun remembers those mornings he spent sitting on the floor, back pressed against his locker, and how yeonjun would kneel down on the floor to gift him a hug without fail when passing by the hallway, having just left from his choir class. the history between the two of them included numerous lunch periods spent pressed against each other’s sides in the crowded cafeteria or sprawled out on the grass sharing earphones as they blasted the latest synth-pop song taehyun had downloaded onto his phone. somehow, despite how messy taehyun’s feelings could be, everything about their interactions was free flowing, never constricting in the slightest. taehyun had never before felt so compelled to be near someone at all moments, and after a few attempts to brush it off as just a friendship thing, he came to the sudden, rough epiphany that he liked yeonjun (a dream where the two were dating also helped speed up that realization process). the thing is, even after taehyun learns to accept the fact that hey, he does really like yeonjun, nothing drastically changes. they were harmonious in that way, and taehyun figures it’s because he has always loved yeonjun. learning that is one thing, but it still has always been there, present throughout their friendship. now, he just has to write a few more love poems about the blue-haired boy here and there as an outlet for the crush he has been harboring. no biggie.

but that’s the thing, despite taehyun’s natural composure, he is painfully obvious, unable to hide how much he is feeling. beomgyu realizes that taehyun likes yeonjun in a matter of a few weeks after taehyun manages to come out to himself, one day randomly inquiring about the present taehyun had bought yeonjun (despite it not being the older’s boy birthday, taehyun just thought that the stickers he found were perfect for jun though). a startled taehyun had gaped for a few seconds, and beomgyu later commented that taehyun was the representation of those three dots appearing on your imessage screen when someone is typing, as the wide-eyed boy merely tried to process beomgyu’s comment and not break down. unfortunately, taehyun learns that day that his poker face has the tendency to break when he is really infatuated with something (and boy is he categorically whipped for yeonjun). but taehyun knows he can trust beomgyu, who has been nothing but a terrific friend to the younger boy throughout their years together (even if beomgyu ends up telling soobin who then tells huening kai, but that’s just his way of helping). beomgyu being such a great friend is what makes him to try push taehyun to confess. and taehyun knows that beomgyu means no harm with his pleading, he just wants his friend to be happy, but taehyun knows how unattainable yeonjun is.

choi yeonjun, infamously cool around their school with tons of friends, as his personality meshes well with everyone. choi yeonjun, the captain of the town’s dance team. choi yeonjun, the sneaky smart student. choi yeonjun, a sweetheart who had already captured the hearts of more than a few of his peers.

taehyun is just another kid in the crowd, a speck in the sea of individuals who have feelings for yeonjun. it’s a position of insignificance that he figures he just has to accept.

however, he thinks beomgyu can sense his reluctance to do just that. so when beomgyu meets up with him post-awards ceremony, taehyun listens even as beomgyu suggests that taehyun confesses tonight.

“come on taehyun, what do you have to lose?”

“i don’t know, maybe my dignity?”

“just last week you claimed that you had none to begin with. stop making points when they’re convenient for you, you hypocrite. i automatically win. now, come on!”

“no, beomgyu. there’s no point.”

“but there is! come on taehyun. it’s the last day of senior year. all we have left are a few more exams, and then you’re off to northeastern in august. he’ll be at nyu. that’s at least, like, three hours of distance between the two of you. you won’t be able to embarrass yourself on a daily basis at that point! there’s no harm in confessing that means.”

“i think you forget that we all live in the same small town and i could literally see him like, tomorrow, if i went to get toothpaste at the pharmacy.”

“taehyun, come on. don’t you want to get it off your chest?”

“well--” taehyun starts, but beomgyu cuts him off.

“either you carry this for the rest of your life, or you confess today and let go. there’s no consequences for the second option, but the first just incites a lifetime of regret and what-ifs. it’s an easy choice to me. plus, mr. ‘i won’t drink alcohol until i’m at least eighteen’, you won’t have to drink that way during the game.”

“you don’t know that they would ask me about my crush though.”

“oh, yes they would. i already recruited kai to do so.”

“of course you did,” taehyun breathes in through his mouth, slowly, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. he wonders if he’s really going to do this.

“come on taehyun,” beomgyu grasps his hand gently. “i’d never make you do something that i thought would hurt you, you know that. me, kai, soobin, we just want you to be happy. you deserve it. and this crush has been going on for like four years! like, it’s actually crazy, and i’ve only put up with it for the last two.”

“i haven’t been that unbearable.”

“no, you haven’t. that’s the issue. you deserve to speak your mind and say everything you feel, but you don’t out of fear. taehyun, yeonjun would want to know. he would give you the opportunity to at least share everything, and you know that. you have a chance, and you have to go for it. plus, how long are we going to keep being teenagers? you turn eighteen in less than a year. we’re not kids anymore and this is the first step to being an adult, conquering fears,” beomgyu finishes. 

taehyun presses the back of his palm against his eyelids, sighing. “okay,” he mutters quietly. “i concede.”

taehyun glances over at yeonjun from across the courtyard, the older boy speaking animatedly to some of his close friends by the entrance to the field. he can’t believe he’s going to do this, take this risk, but beomgyu is right. high school is coming to an end, and he does think yeonjun has the right to know about his crush as one of his good friends. at least it can maybe boost the blue haired boy’s ego or something to know that taehyun has been pining for a long, long time. taehyun doesn’t let himself entertain other thoughts, a world where yeonjun might love him back, because it’s an unthinkable concept. then again, taehyun did just agree to do the unthinkable tonight.

“i’ll tell yeonjun how i feel tonight.”


	2. act two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! sorry for the brief delay in updating, but i've returned with chapter two today. 
> 
> on a brief side tangent, i made a twitter for this account! it's @DECALCOMONlA (the i in monia is actually a lowercase L fyi). you can follow if you want! i just talk about taejun and writing on there, so if that interests you, come be moots with me! okay, enough about me, back into the story.

taehyun isn’t one to believe in sacred biblical texts, but god damn, there definitely should be a manual of some sort on the art of crushes because what the hell?

“it’s all about being as unsubtle as possible while ensuring that you still stay somewhat subtle so that you don’t seem desperate,” huening kai proudly tells taehyun, wrapping his arm around the back of the shorter boy's shoulders. taehyun levels him with a glare, quickly shrugging off kai’s touch. his annoyance is clearly performative though, because when the slightly younger boy places his arm back in place after a moment, taehyun gives in easily, snuggling into the embrace.

“trying to steal my boyfriend taehyun?” soobin asks suddenly as he trudges up the football field, plopping down next to the duo in the endzone.

“no, he’s--” huening kai begins, but catches sight of yeonjun standing less than fifteen feet away. “well, you know,” he finishes, sending his boyfriend a wink. soobin rolls his eyes fondly.

“disgusting,” taehyun proclaims, detaching himself from kai’s hold. “i’m too single for this."

"soobin's only been here for thirty seconds?"

"i still refuse to third wheel on my graduation. do you know where beomgyu is?”

“he’s inside with yeji, they’re trying to get the food coordinated,” soobin answers.

“you mean the drinks?” kai asks cheekily, a wide grin growing on his face due to his boyfriend's bluff. soobin's attempt proves to be futile anyway, because his blush tells the duo everything they need to know. 

“if anyone asks, i know nothing," soobin reminds them.

“yeah, yeah mr. president. we won’t get you in trouble,” taehyun replies, pushing himself up from the grass with his palms. “i’m going to head inside, try to find beomgyu. i’ll meet you guys back out here in a few.”

“okay, see you!” huening kai answers, immediately settling his head in soobin’s lap, who just laughs at the mock disgust on taehyun’s face and pets kai’s hair.

taehyun runs off, rolling his eyes fondly at the happy couple before he goes. he quickly nods his head at the security guard who holds the door open for him so that he can enter the school building, and proceeds to lazily jog through the halls, aimlessly searching for beomgyu. when he checks the cafeteria on the first floor, he spots the slender blonde boy sitting on one of the benches, sorting through bags filled with various snacks and alcohol. beomgyu's hair is significantly more messy than it was during the ceremony, almost as if he's been recently running his hands through it in frustration. beomgyu's eyebrows are even knitted together in slight distress as he works swiftly, trying to tackle the mountain of refreshments piling up on the cafeteria table to the best of his ability.

“yo,” taehyun greets, entering the room through the double doors, and beomgyu lights up at the sight of his friend. he quickly thrusts one of the bags he's holding into taehyun’s open hands.

“take the stuff out of the bags, please. yeji went off with chaeryeong and i don’t know when they’re coming back,” beomgyu whines. taehyun just ruffles his friend's hair good naturedly before getting to work himself.

after ten or so minutes of unpacking, the pile of bags is reducing in size, but slowly. there's still at least twenty of them sitting on the counter when a voice calls out, startling the busy duo. 

“hey, do you need a hand?”

taehyun, whipping his head around at the sudden intrusion, comes face to face with yeonjun. the blue-haired boy had clearly changed out of his blazer and dress pants combo from the awards ceremony, now sporting a light wash pair of flared jeans and a black tee. beomgyu must notice the way taehyun freezes up in yeonjun’s presence, unable to play it cool, so he jumps into the conversation even though he knows yeonjun wasn’t really asking him.

“please, the more the merrier. taehyun has an extra bag, you can just sit there,” beomgyu points to the seat next to taehyun. “and help us unpack the beer. someone brought like ten cases or something. it’s insane and we're dying,” he finishes dramatically. taehyun tsks quietly at his friend's antics.

“well, there are like four hundred kids in our grade,” taehyun points out, keeping his eyes down as he does his job. he thanks all of his lucky stars that he doesn't have pale skin, because even though the blush on his cheeks is invisible, he can still feel the telltale way his face heats up. yeonjun seems to just always have that effect on taehyun. for someone with so much pride about seeming mature, a high school crush still manages to make taehyun dissolve into either a babbling, spiraling wreck or a silent, painfully tense one. it’s something taehyun tried to just brush off as a mere growing pain of sorts when he’s younger, desperate to find any usable excuse in the book to explain why he felt this desire to always be with yeonjun but then failed to do something as simple as talk to the slightly older boy. with time came the big realization that fuck, he had a crush. has a crush, taehyun notes, because his heart still "flies off to the damn moon whenever yeonjun graces him with his presence" like it did when he was only a freshman and wrote that god-awful line in his journal.

how should one act around a person they like? is a question taehyun still struggles with. most of the boys in his grade are incredibly straightforward with their crushes, and in middle school, taehyun decided that he would act in a similar fashion, always wanting to be honest. but as he grows older and develops crushes on various boys, taehyun quickly learns that he can't be so upfront about his feelings. his peers wouldn't believe it to be "acceptable" in the same way. so, taehyun instead acts tentatively. he has this tendency to calculate every move he takes when he’s around yeonjun in the hopes of impressing the blue-haired boy. what their friendship consists of is something taehyun holds in a high regard, but taehyun also wants to show yeonjun that he is here, has been here for years, and he’s interested.

still, there’s something about yeonjun that holds taehyun back a little bit. there’s a lot of things about high school that individuals have the tendency to gloss over, claiming that these aspects of school are merely cliches from shitty romcoms, but taehyun knows how apparent they can be in reality. one of those things is social hierarchies. because no matter what he does, taehyun feels inferior to yeonjun, thinking that the older boy deserves someone who’s just better. yeonjun is, for a lack of a better term, cool. he's recognized amongst their peers for his talent and great personality, but taehyun has lived his entire high school career in the shadows in a desperate attempt to blend in for the sake of "normalcy" (the only place taehyun actively works to stand out is in his grades). and it’s somewhat indescribable, that invisible rope that ties taehyun down, holding him back from expressing everything he feels.

taehyun knows the flaws in his methodology, considering himself to be a very self-aware person (and even if he wasn't, beomgyu reminds him about just how stupid he's being on an almost daily basis). despite them not being the closest duo, yeonjun had always been nothing but sweet to taehyun. the two were comfortable enough to joke around, but yeonjun also seems to just be in tune with how the younger boy is feeling, ready to liven up their conversation when he deems it necessary. however, even without much effort, yeonjun always manages to make taehyun beam. taehyun stresses self-reliance, but yeonjun is the only person who can get the younger boy so smitten that he's smiling in a daze within seconds.

yeonjun is just so pleasant, and taehyun's cheeks hurt from how much he laughs at the other boy's jokes when they unpack all the alcohol (which they promptly shove into coolers so that the staff do not get suspicious. yeji was friends with a security guard who helped her get into the cafeteria, but the senior class was still walking on a tightrope in their quest to play this game of truth or drink. one mishap, and they all faced serious trouble if a staff member was to figure out what exactly their "refreshments" were). eventually, chaeryeong and a group of her friends (taehyun tries and fails to recognize any of them except for ryujin) re-enter the cafeteria, and suddenly their assembly line of sorts is moving much quicker. they gather all the drinks, kicking out the door to the field. when the ten of them finally emerge from the school building, a significant portion of the senior student body has already settled into their spots on the grass. they’re sitting in a formation that faintly resembles that of a circle, everyone facing one another. when they spot the packages that everyone is carrying, they start hollering at the prospect of drinks.

“okay everyone, gather around!” one boy exclaims. taehyun thinks he’s the senior class president and an athlete or something like that, but to be completely honest, he doesn’t mingle with his peers enough to really recognize anyone that far outside of his circle (there's irony in that statement, taehyun later realizes, considering the fact that yeonjun is technically a popular athlete, being one of the best dancers in their entire state). 

yeonjun walks over to his friends, wooyoung and yeosang, after dropping off the beer. he sits down with them, motioning across the field for soobin to follow, who gets up to join them. huening kai of course begins to copy the motion of his boyfriend, but the youngest also grabs beomgyu’s arm when he starts walking over. “come on, let’s go sit over there,” kai says. he glances over at taehyun, a smirk playing on his lips.

beomgyu, eyes also glinting with poorly hidden mischief, lets kai lead the way. the blonde haired boy holds onto taehyun’s sleeve as they trudge down the field, pulling the shorter brunette along. taehyun can’t say he’s surprised that his friends are already scheming, but he lets himself be lead to their new spot.

after the five of them plop down haphazardly next to their peers, a few of the more well-known students stand up in the center of the circle and start explaining how they’re going to operate this game of truth or drink. it’s pretty simple in all honesty, with everyone starting with a bottle of some type of alcohol, and they’ll be asked incredibly invasive questions by their curious peers. it’s kind of a fucked-up concept, taehyun decides, but he understands it in a way. most of them won’t have to see each other ever again, besides an occasional run-in during a grocery run or something of that sorts, because they’d be moving onwards to bigger and better things. most importantly, they'd be moving away from the constraints of their small suburban town, and the same group of judgmental peers that they'd lived there with for far too many years. they had the next step of their destiny (school-wise, at least) already laid out, and with that came a sense of freedom, pushing the seniors to let go of everything they have been harboring. 

taehyun decides that it would be kind of nice to talk openly about liking boys, specifically yeonjun, but also boys in general. he’s quite tired of all the uncomfortable conversations he’s “taken apart” of, if you can even say such a thing, the ones with guys gushing profusely about girls while taehyun just sat there. he sure was ready to leave this world of heteronormativity behind.

taehyun chooses a beer from one of the packs he recognized from his sorting job earlier when they're passed around. it’s cheap, but then again, they’re high schoolers with a tight budget, so he can’t really afford to be picky. 

a girl stands up, and surprisingly, it’s someone taehyun actually knows. jeon heejin and him shared a math class this year. “okay, let’s start,” she calls out, a cheshire cat smile growing on her face.

taehyun swallows down the lump in his throat, and watches as the games begin.

\--

taehyun listens without much interest for a majority of the night, not particularly caring about many of the secrets being shared. the most common reveals from his classmates involves crushes they didn’t tell anyone about, sneaky activities they took apart of, and the plethora of ways they found to break the rules throughout the last four years. 

yeonjun is no exception, the blue-haired boy leaning back with a proud smirk as he explains how he was the one who spray painted graffiti on the campus walls last year. in his work, he called out a generally hated teacher amongst the school’s staff. by the beginning of senior year, said teacher was fired due to a wave of complaints against her, especially after she makes the previous year’s salutatorian cry with an especially malicious comment. most of the students respond with shock, some cheer, and then soobin is speaking. soobin reveals a tiny crush he had on a student teacher during his freshman year, kai explains how he managed to get free snacks out of the vending machine in a tip that everyone will surely be telling their younger siblings, and beomgyu details how he once bribed a security guard to let him re-enter the school after he snuck out to get a coffee during his lunch period. 

it’s taehyun’s turn, and he can feel the eyes of a significant chunk of his peers on him. before he can chicken out, taehyun speaks.

“i’m gay.”

there’s a moment where everyone pauses, processing that information. to taehyun’s surprise, there aren’t as many people throwing side glances at him or whispering as he would have thought. “that’s cool,” one girl replies, smiling at him, and there’s a chorus of agreements made. one boy, sitting about twenty people over, even pipes up with “i like boys too. i’m bi,” when it’s his turn to go.

the general consensus of acceptance leaves taehyun shocked. he figures he should have given his classmates a greater chance during his high school years, rather than closing himself off out of fear. sure, some of them made snide remarks and deeply insensitive comments about gay people, but there was also a large portion of the crowd who hadn't done such things. in not wanting to take that chance, to put himself out there and receive criticism, taehyun realizes that he kind of lost his role in his own community since he distanced himself to such a great extent. that knowledge leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, but the wave of relief that floods his body washes that away. taehyun begins to wonder if maybe he could come out in college, if he could finally be open, and if he could even snag a boyfriend. maybe he'd get to live his teenage fantasy for once, starring in his own drama. the prospect of such a concept leaves taehyun feeling a bit floaty with new hope, an almost euphoric sensation of sorts. the pressure on his shoulders is a little lighter after that, even when beomgyu throws an arm around him, coddling the slightly shorter boy. still, a round of questions, ones specifically posed by their peers, starts as quickly as the first ends. before he knows it, taehyun’s turn comes up again.

“okay taehyun,” one boy asks. there's a bit of a mocking tone to his voice, and through a grimace, he bites out “tell us which of your classmates was your gay awakening.”

the circle goes silent, except for a chorus of snickers from the friends of the boy who asks the question. soobin and kai's expressions are mirrored, both appalled and deeply upset. beomgyu squeezes taehyun's hand tight, while yeonjun shifts, looking ready to stand up. but taehyun blocks it all out, because all he can feel is the way his face is burning a fierce scarlet. if he was being completely honest, he knew deep down that this question was coming, it was inevitable after so many kids had just admitted to their own feelings for different classmates. still, the ridiculing lilt to the boy's tone makes taehyun's stomach churn with bile. taehyun knows what they're waiting for, what everyone is waiting for: a name. taehyun thinks about how happy beomgyu would be if everything went well, how his friend had always listened to every story taehyun had shared about. taehyun thinks about soobin and kai, who always express their wish that someone else in their friend group would start dating so that they can have someone to double date with (the established couple was adorable and cheesy like that). taehyun knows they’re his number one supporters in this whole ordeal, being friends with both parties involved.

still, taehyun’s mind keeps going down the path its on and eventually stops at yeonjun, a usual occurrence of sorts. an actual confession from taehyun would entail further conversation, requires such a thing, and taehyun can't put him through that in front of the prying public. yeonjun deserves better, taehyun decides, and with that roadblock, he’s instinctively picking up the bottle of beer sitting out in front of him.

most people boo good naturedly as taehyun takes a swig of his drink, not recognizing the malicious way in which the boy who posed the question meant it. only that boy and his friends have a different reaction, taunting the brunette boy under their breath, but taehyun thinks he hears yeonjun and beomgyu scoff right back at them. taehyun drinks for a few seconds, emptying a fourth of the bottle, and sets it down. he stares at his feet as heejin quickly moves on to the next player (she sounds incredibly apologetic for the actions of their peers, but taehyun can't make his mind focus enough to dwell on it). the crowd looks away from him out of respect, a gesture taehyun appreciates, but proves useless in the long run. he still feels like shit.

taehyun remembers what he told beomgyu earlier, what kai knew about the plan (and subsequently soobin, through that extension). their anticipation had been broken, ruined by some ridiculous classmate of theirs. taehyun feels terrible for getting their hopes up, but beomgyu seems to sense taehyun’s inner turmoil (as he always does) and locks their fingers together, pressing the palms of their hands flush against each other. it's a silent form of reassurance, one conveying everything beomgyu wants to tell him but can't, not out loud, not now.

_it's okay._  
_you did the right thing._  
_you still have a chance._

sparked by beomgyu's comforting gesture, kai shuffles closer to the duo, an action that yeonjun and soobin then copy. the oldest of the group even pats taehyun's knee gently, ignoring the few quizzical looks he receives from his other friends. but despite it all, taehyun can only seem to think about all the things he didn't say. the chance to do so was robbed from him, and it stings. taehyun’s throat starts to burn, and he tries to tell himself that it’s from the alcohol, but it’s just beer, not whiskey or vodka (drinks that cause such a sensation). there’s a lump forming in taehyun's windpipe, one that begins to suffocate him even as he attempts to swallow it down. taehyun just wishes he was more drunk so he could loosen up more, and maybe say the words he’s been dying to share for years on end now. he wants to release the butterflies beating against his chest.

but he doesn’t (because it's not the right time nor the right place), and the night ends. school ends, and taehyun is now free in a sense, but he sure doesn't feel like it, because there's still so much more. for taehyun, there is still more to say, more to do, and more risks to take, all in an attempt to finally get the closure that he now recognizes he needs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end of chapter two! honestly i thought about merging chapters two and three, but i decided against that today. thoughts on how this was?
> 
> again, sorry for making anyone wait for this chapter. i didn't want it to feel like filler, but i was also facing some serious writer's block, so i hope it turned out okay. i hate that most of my notes are so....pessimistic? but i am just severely insecure about my writing, and i just feel terribly guilty since i personally believe that i'm continuously giving you all a subpar product, but alas, i think i'll save you that spiel. if you didn't enjoy this chapter, i apologize. hopefully the next one will be better!
> 
> i wish you all the best. <3 until next time! 
> 
> p.s. oh, and yeah, leave a comment/kudos or anything if you want. or come talk to me on twitter (@DECALCOMONlA)! i'm always willing to interact. thanks for all the support! i appreciate it so very much.


	3. act three

taehyun can’t sleep that night, not at all. it’s three in the morning when he finally decides to give up on trying to go to bed, and shoves on a pair of tennis shoes before sneaking out to a park that was a mere three minute walk from his home. there’s a metal swing set sitting in the middle of the playground, one that's enclosed in a black wire fence. taehyun hops over the gate and plops himself down right on one of the swings, and as he rocks himself back and forth, he keeps his eyes locked straight ahead of him at the rows of tall trees surrounding the park.

when his hand begins to burn, taehyun realizes that just how tightly he's still holding onto his phone, so tight in fact that it's left an imprint smack dab in the center of his palm. the world is frighteningly still this early in the morning, but since it’s june, the air outside is quite pleasant, slightly breezy and only the tiniest bit humid. it’s also almost completely silent outside, save for the rocking of waves at a nearby marina. the birds, like the rest of the town, are asleep. it’s the most peaceful environment taehyun has gotten to experience in a while, but his mind is stirring so bad that he opens a calling app before he can really think about what he’s doing.

taehyun bites at his lip while the phone rings, gnawing at it until it turns red and raw. after a few beeps, there’s a voice on the other end.

“taehyun?” yeonjun asks.

“hi, yeonjun.”

“is everything alright?”

“yeah, i’m fine...just couldn’t sleep. why are you up?”

“well, you did call me…” yeonjun trails off.

“i woke you up?” taehyun asks, voice turning slightly panicked. oh god, he did not think this through. why didn’t he consider the fact that most people generally do not share his terrible sleeping schedule?

“no, no, don’t worry. i couldn’t sleep either. i was…” yeonjun trails off again, but then coughs. taehyun makes an educated guess at that.

“smoking?” 

“yeah,” yeonjun’s reply is curt, almost like he’s waiting for taehyun to reprimand him, but it never happens. taehyun just nods, but then quickly realizes that yeonjun can’t see him. 

“oh, i’m sorry for interrupting you then…”

“ah, don’t apologize, hyun. it's not really the worst thing in the world to interrupt someone who is smoking.”

“i guess not, but i don’t mind though.”

“you don’t?”

“not enough to say much at least. we all know its downsides, it’s just up to us to decide whether or not the costs outweigh the benefits i guess. i don't have much jurisdiction to judge your personal choices.”

“wise,” yeonjun comments, voice perfectly even. 

“not really,” taehyun defers sheepishly.

“taehyun?”

“yeah?”

“you said you had a reason? for calling me? at 5 am?” yeonjun states, punctuating every fragment of his sentence, but the way he says it makes it seem like he’s posing a question more than anything. taehyun lets out a sigh.

taehyun lets out a breath. “yeah, i did. sorry.”

“no, it’s okay. don’t apologize, please. what is it?” the “you alright?” that yeonjun is dying to ask after what was now yesterday’s events goes unsaid.

this entire conversation is terribly awkward, taehyun decides. he’s trying to drag it out to avoid saying the inevitable, but it just makes the entire ordeal seem overly formal. sure, he and yeonjun weren’t the best of friends, but they were close enough that their responses should not be this dry, should not be so curt for the sake of seeming polite. so, taehyun goes for it.

“...i think you may have an idea as to why, you know, after what happened today.”

“oh?” taehyun can hear the way yeonjun is raising his eyebrow in the background. “you think i know why?”

“i have an inkling you might.”

“and?” yeonjun prompts, voice soft, not condescending like taehyun was worried that it might be. he breathes a little easier at the pleasant, neutral tone of yeonjun's slightly raspy voice. 

“and….well, if your inkling is that you might be the boy who was my quote-unquote gay awakening, then you are correct,” taehyun admits quickly, letting the truth out. “i cou- i didn’t want to say it to everyone, but i did think that you deserved to at least know about it.”

yeonjun is silent on the other end for a short moment. “you’re...you’re not joking, are you?”

“no, i’m not,” comes taehyun’s simple, self-assured reply.

“and did you know...about my crush? my crush on you?” yeonjun asks, and that startles taehyun. the brunette boy pushes himself up from the swing he’s sitting on.

“your what?”

“taehyun…i had a crush on you too, when we were younger.”

that stops taehyun in his tracks. “huh?”

“yeah, like, early in high school. you’re like, the nicest person in our entire school, and you were always helping me out. plus, you’re cute,” yeonjun finishes, saying these things as if they were de facto truths, points that can not be argued on. meanwhile, they’re sending taehyun reeling.

“really?” the younger boy's tone turns high-pitched at the end, his voice slightly cracking as a result of the genuine state of disbelief he's in. 

“yeah,” yeonjun repeats, a little stronger this time.

“wow,” is all taehyun breathes out, sitting back. “that’s kind of crazy,” he laughs, leaning back on his hands. “can i tell you something?”

“of course, taehyun.”

“i’m like, kind of drunk right now.”

that has the corner of yeonjun's lips quirking up. “oh yeah, i could tell. you’re talking different.”

“different?”

“yeah, usually you talk more, like your sentences aren’t usually this short. also, you’re faintly slurring,” yeonjun notes, ever observant. 

“oh. i didn’t know that.”

“don’t worry. you seem conscious enough of what you’re saying. plus, i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t also stoned out of my mind. it’s graduation, what can i say?” taehyun can hear the smirk in yeonjun’s voice. he finds himself smiling unconsciously at the thought. yeonjun was known to experiment, known to have the kinds of friends who would drag him to parties and all of the usual high school events, all the things taehyun happened to miss out on. the enigma that is choi yeonjun both intimidates and attracts taehyun. the younger boy had become smitten with his classmate ever since freshman year, when yeonjun would bend down to press a kiss to the crown of taehyun’s head as he was leaving his AM dance class (taehyun had to wait outside the classroom every morning since it coincidentally also happened to be his first period class that year). taehyun still vividly remembers how yeonjun would scutter off with a brief “good morning” and a smile thrown over his shoulder before he raced off to his own first period. upon yeonjun's departure, taehyun would merely remain seated against the rows of cobalt lockers with a goofy grin plastered across his face. he spent a lot of his first year of high school sitting in that same spot, eyes locked on the white tile floor. the fluorescent tubes attached to the ceiling of their school lit up the hallway with a muted blue glow of sorts, shining down on taehyun's tiny frame that was curled up against the walls. taehyun eventually grows to associate yeonjun with this shade of blue and all the different variations of the color-- always has, even before the older boy had dyed his hair an electric blue halfway through junior year. part of it stems from the fact that their school put them on “teams” when they were freshman, a setup in which a handful of core teachers would be grouped together in order to help ninth graders get easily acquainted with a curated selection of their peers. taehyun and yeonjun had both ended up on the blue team which led to them sharing an english class, a room that their teacher had appropriately decorated with a hoard of blue accessories: blue folders, a bulletin board with a blue construction paper backing, and a blue skirt for her desk. the two boys had spent countless hours holed up in that classroom, pouring their souls into whatever weekly writing assignment they were given. then there was the blue color of yeonjun’s bookbag-- a darker shade of blue, it was almost navy-- that taehyun saw whenever yeonjun decided to join him on the hill for their shared lunch period during sophomore year (it happened a mere five times, since yeonjun preferred to sit in the art building’s cafeteria with a large group of his friends, but taehyun still deeply cherished the times when the older boy did specifically seek him out). and there’s the note that yeonjun wrote to taehyun for his birthday in their junior year, a card filled with yeonjun's slightly messy, sprawling handwriting in blue ink pen. taehyun still has it tucked away in the bottom drawer of his desk, right between two notebooks (hiding it in plain sight-- he knew no one would think to really read an innocuous piece of paper, but nevertheless, the knowledge that yeonjun took the time to write it made taehyun's heart soar).

people describe blue to be a sublime color, and that it is. it’s the color of some of the most intriguing spaces in the universe, such as the sky and the sea. they’re galaxies in their own right, rich in beauty, but they can also turn dangerous in the blink of an eye, with indigo storm clouds rolling in over the choppy, churning waves of the ocean. blue is mysterious for this reason-- but it’s also serene, full of comfort and inspiration. it represents unwavering loyalty, a hoard of confidence put in something, faith so strong that its stability rarely falters-- if ever. blue is the color that is associated with the heavens, it's brilliant and almost ethereal. the most vast infinities in the world are tied to the color blue, and taehyun thinks it’s quite fitting that he associates yeonjun with this color considering the fact that his cosmic crush on the older boy has tethered itself to taehyun's soul. navigating the world while liking someone _this_ much for _years_ had certainly helped shape taehyun, sculpting the pliable clay of his teenage self into who he is today. taehyun's love for yeonjun could be found in all the little parts of his world, because it was somehow ingrained in every part of the younger boy. what entails from his crush on yeonjun-- learning what it was like to care for someone that deeply, to feel everything under the sun while journeying down the winding road that is being enraptured with another individual-- makes taehyun a better person in every facet of his life. as much as taehyun wasn’t defined by his crush per se, having a crush on yeonjun did shape a significant portion of taehyun’s high school years, and he was okay with that (plus, being a student who took numerous creative writing and arts classes, a source of teenage angst was always welcome due to its great inspiration. taehyun lets out a weak laughs whenever he thinks about his prized painting from junior year, the one that was eventually hung up in a district-wide gallery. it was an abstract piece, a collection of monochromatic acrylic paints dabbed around the canvas. only beomgyu ever found out who it was really for). 

“yeonjun?” taehyun asks suddenly, picking at his nails. 

“yeah?”

“would it be alright if i called you in the morning? when...i can think easier?”

“of course, hyun,” yeonjun replies. taehyun briefly notes just how much he likes the older boy's voice-- despite its slightly husky quality, yeonjun's words still flow out like honey, sounding incredibly sweet. 

“because…i want this to feel real tomorrow morning,” taehyun continues speaking, for reasons unbeknownst to him. it's not exactly word vomit-- taehyun wants to say the things that he does-- but it's just a tangent of sorts. 

“it doesn’t right now?” yeonjun asks the question sincerely.

“no, not quite,” taehyun admits honestly. “i think i’d be freaking out a little more if i was fully sober.”

“wait,” the younger boy stops. “why aren’t you freaking out? i’d be running the other way if i was you,” he rambles, laughing to himself. taehyun doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, the sleep deprivation, or the fit of embarrassment slash nerves that is suddenly overtaking his consciousness. “fuck. i’m drunk. i shouldn’t have drank this much.”

“taehyun?" yeonjun interjects. "you need to take care of yourself. go to bed right after this, alright?”

“i will, yeonjun.”

“promise?” yeonjun asks firmly. 

“promise,” the youngest whispers.

“good, because i still want to hear from you in the morning. i’ll let you go now. sleep well, hyun,” is all taehyun hears before the line clicks dead, and he’s left staring at his keypad, yeonjun’s name having faded off of his phone screen.

\--

taehyun doesn’t contact yeonjun for several hours after that. it takes him over an hour to fall asleep that night. it’s not until the younger boy wakes up, a mere five hours later that is, that he decides to finally whip out his phone and send the slightly older boy a voicemail as he vowed to do.

“hi, yeonjun, it’s taehyun.”

“well, you probably already know that from the caller ID,” the younger boy releases a short, bellowing laugh. “sorry, i’m nervous.”

“hopefully, you remember that i confessed last night. i mean, i was the drunk one and not you, but-- wait shit i’m rambling again, sorry,” taehyun babbles, and then takes a deep breath.

“i still have more i want to say to you. i think you deserve better than whatever drunk confession you got last night, even if i did mean every word of it.”

“so if you want, meet me at ivy park at eleven. no pressure or anything though, i swear. this is just if you want to talk more. hopefully you do-- god i’m rambling again, aren't i?”

“yeah, probably somewhere by the swings is where i'll sit. i’ll be waiting for you.”

\--

taehyun is once again clutching at his phone by the hard, rubber edges of its case, staring blankly at the home screen as he awaits yeonjun's arrival. it’s only ten fifty five, as taehyun had made sure to arrive to the park early; he couldn’t stand to stay in his house and wait when he knew of the event that was going to take place in a matter of minutes. a thought crosses taehyun’s mind, one where he questions if he even wants yeonjun to show up-- but he knows that he does deep down, it’s just his nerves speaking at moments like these. taehyun has to remind himself sometimes that he never was one to take the easy way out, not even when it came to beomgyu’s college essays, which taehyun had torn apart mercilessly in his quest to help perfect them (it was one of the only fights the best friends had during their entire high school careers. after two weeks of barely speaking to one another, the argument ended when they decided to meet up at the beach late one night-- no one could remember who extended the invitation first. a sobbing taehyun had expressed his regret for being so harsh, saying he should have taken beomgyu’s feelings into greater account, but his tears had set beomgyu off, who immediately began to apologize for taking taehyun’s critiques so personally. in the months that followed, both of them reflected back on the incident with a tremendous amount of embarrassment. why had they been so offended, why had they been so quick to get mad at one another rather than merely listen to their intent? it was petty high school drama-- a memory that taehyun once felt a tremendous amount of shame in. while taehyun still isn’t an advocate for being too much of an instigator, and he definitely regrets hurting beomgyu, no matter how accidental it was, he also now understands that he’s young. with that in mind, he should allow himself to experience things that most would deem immature-- like anger, jealousy, and mind-numbing infatuation too. taehyun knows he’ll grow, that he will eventually learn something from however these emotions happen to affect his world, but he has to do just that: learn. if he doesn’t let him to feel these things, then he’ll never get the chance to do so). taehyun had to just let go, had to allow himself to say everything he’s been keeping under wraps for countless years. not only does he deserve the truth, but so does yeonjun-- the older boy deserves to know how much someone admired him, even if it was from afar.

as taehyun goes on that mental rollercoaster of sorts, yeonjun walks up behind the younger boy, who is sitting on a wooden bench at the heart of the park.

“hi,” yeonjun greets suddenly, sending taehyun shooting up in the air.

“oh my god, you scared me!” the brunette exclaims, but yeonjun just shoots him a wicked grin.

“sorry, didn’t mean to,” he teases, smirk forming on his lips. taehyun narrows his eyes. that bastard.

taehyun’s face burns as he realizes that yeonjun is here, actually here, and he’s expected to speak next. “gosh, you’re such a nuisance,” he retorts by instinct.

yeonjun merely raises an eyebrow. “snappy today, aren’t we? you sleep well last night?”

“i slept fine, i’m okay,” the younger boy reassures.

“good, wouldn’t want me to worry,” yeonjun winks.

“that was kind of flirty,” taehyun blurts out. “at least, i think it was, god tell me if i’m reading this wrong--”

“yeah, it totally was. you think a lot.”

“i mean, duh, do you even know me?” taehyun playfully rolls his eyes, face heating up. “so...you?”

“yeah, i…” yeonjun copies taehyun's tactic of trailing off towards the end of his sentence. 

“oh god, screw off,” taehyun laughs. “you’re not, like, off put by this whole thing?”

“no, i’m not. i did say i had a crush on you, right hyun?”

“yeah but, you know, it's just the _had_ , i guess.”

“listen,” yeonjun starts to say, simultaneously moving to sit next to the younger boy on the bench. taehyun ends up scooting over to give yeonjun some extra room to settle down. “we were really good friends as freshman, maybe best friends even. then we got separated sophomore year and we’re still friends-- at least i’ve always considered you to be one of my true friends-- but we obviously don’t talk as much. still, i had the biggest little crush on you, if that makes any sense.”

“it’s been years though," yeonjun continues. "i still like you-- just not as much, and i hope that’s okay?” yeonjun’s voice gets higher in tone as he punctuates that question. “hopefully that’s not like, insensitive or anything. i just want to be completely honest. but, i still do like you.” 

“oh,” taehyun blushes harder. “thanks.”

“did you just thank me for liking you?” yeonjun asks in disbelief.

“no, you idiot," the younger boy laughs somberly. "thanks for being truthful. i appreciate it. most people wouldn’t have the guts to say that-- hell, i didn’t even have the guts to say that. it’s really cool of you,” taehyun says, voice full of sincerity. “yeah, i guess it's my turn to go now. well, i said a lot last night but i was quite drunk--”

“yeah, your clarity was certainly surprising though.”

“i’m a man of many tricks,” taehyun comments lazily, running a hand through his own hair. “still, that doesn’t change what i said, like i really meant it, you know? you’re my first crush i guess, because i’m not going to count celebrities or people who i was charmed by for like a week, so my first real crush basically. if i'm being completely honest here, might as well say everything. i’ve liked you ever since freshman year when you defended me in english class for calling out the government in that group discussion,” the brunette grins. “god, that was a mess. you barely knew me though, and we still managed to win that argument after we teamed up.”

“ah yes, the infamous show of our school’s ignorance that was that debate,” yeonjun grimaces. “you were right, i had to say something. i was ready to go to war for you.”

“wow, a man who’d fight on my behalf? protecting my honor? how brave?” taehyun jokes, smiling dreamily.

“you’re cute, what can i say,” yeonjun winks. “always have been.”

“anyways,” taehyun immediately interjects, hoping to distract from that telltale pounding feeling in his own chest. “yeah, that was cool, and then we became friends, and you know how it goes i guess. you’re a great guy yeonjun, i always tell you how talented and good-looking you are, and you always made me feel like i mattered. you’d do all the small things like ask me to hang out-- god, i’m easy, aren’t i-- and skip your lunch periods to come to english class with me so i could type up my essay. it was nice. i just wanted to be around you a lot more than everyone else, and that’s kind of how i figured it out. it wasn’t weird though, even after i had that epiphany. you just made high school fun, and you’re one of the only people i can say that about. i’ve always enjoyed your company, even as just friends.”

“that’s--that’s really sweet. i’m kind of speechless, actually,” yeonjun breathes out. him and his friends weren't the type to have these types of conversations, so yeonjun can't really recall a time when someone complimented him so gracefully. “i don’t think i’ve ever had anyone actually say anything like this to my face, so thank you. it means a lot.”

“are you thanking me for liking you?” taehyun mocks, a teasing smile on his face as he echoes yeonjun’s question from a few moments earlier.

“guess i kind of played myself into that one, right?” the older boy grins.

“yeah, you did. it’s okay though,” taehyun answers, and there’s a brief lull in the conversation, but yeonjun is speaking again before the silence can draw out and become awkward. it’s almost as if he understood taehyun’s cues throughout the conversation, when the younger boy could prompt dialogue himself and when he’d rather just listen and reply. taehyun was definitely a good speaker and quite eloquent with his wording when he had his thoughts gathered, but he was also a listener by nature. he often preferred to merely sit back and observe, reacting to events rather than initiating them himself (it's part of the reason why it took taehyun so long to come forth about his crush, because he figured it wasn't worth creating a 'situation' out of it). 

“taehyun?”

“yeah?”

“why didn’t you confess earlier?” the older boy asks, tilting his head to the side just the tiniest bit. “i mean, i understand why-- i guess i’m a little hypocritical asking this-- but i just wanted to hear the reasoning from you rather than speculating, if that’s okay.”

“yeah no, it’s fine. i was-- i was just scared,” taehyun replies, voice turning just the slightest bit meek in nature. “i thought that there was no way you could possibly feel the same way. i thought...since i had no chance, it was better to keep everything under wraps.”

“what changed?”

“maybe the fact that it was beginning to eat me alive. figuratively, of course,” taehyun gives the older boy a tight-lipped smile.

“and...do you think anything can come out of this?” yeonjun gestures vaguely between the two of them. “what are we?”

“i’m not sure,” taehyun answers honestly, turning to the blue-haired boy. “this is terrible timing on my part.”

“no, our part. but, hey…” yeonjun starts, taking a deep breath in. “that one church downtown, the one across the street from the hospital, is having its annual carnival this weekend. i'm not sure if you know about it or have been before, but would you want to go with me? as in like, go on a date with me there. if we enjoy ourselves-- which i think we will, might i add-- then we can figure it out from there, but no pressure or anything.”

a small smile forms on taehyun’s face, the corner of his lips turning up. “really?”

“yeah, i mean, if you don’t think it’s dumb or anything. i know it’s mostly geared towards children but a lot of us still like to go--”

“no, i’d love to,” taehyun confirms. the apples of his cheeks are on fire, he can feel it. “it sounds like it’ll be a lot of fun, i’d love to go with you. what day?”

“saturday. does seven o’clock work? it starts at six but it’s not exciting until later at night.”

“that works. do you want me to meet you there?” taehyun asks, shuffling with his small, denim crossbody bag. from yeonjun’s ninth grade birthday party, he remembers that the boy lives somewhere around a five minute walk from the lot where the carnival is held.

“no, i’ll come get you.”

“...you do realize that i live in the opposite direction of the carnival, right?”

“yeah, i do, but i want to come get you. i’ll get to see you earlier this way." 

taehyun groans, putting his face in his hands to hide the unmistakable red flush to his skin. “oh my god.”

“what, not used to my charm?” yeonjun teases, biting at his lip subconsciously. 

“guess not,” taehyun replies, suddenly feeling bold. “guess i’ll just have to get used to it though, if we're going to be hanging out more.”

“that you will. so, saturday? it’s a date?” yeonjun asks, seeking a confirmation for the third time, an action that exposes the slightest hint of his own worries. taehyun merely smiles.

“yeah, it’s a date.”

\--

“you did what?” beomgyu cries, cradling his cup of coffee in his hands. him and taehyun are standing outside of a starbucks, ready to board the train into the city. taehyun swirls his own cup of tea with a black plastic stirrer, trying to mix in some sugar, while purposefully avoiding meeting his friend’s eyes.

“i did it. i confessed.”

“when?” beomgyu exclaims. "seriously? you did it today?" 

“at both three and eleven in the morning.”

“twice?” beomgyu asks. he sounds like he doesn’t believe it almost, and taehyun can’t blame it. beomgyu put up with his pining for the longest amount of time, over two years at this point. 

“i was incredibly drunk the first time,” taehyun says, as if that explains anything. beomgyu just gapes, mouth falling open in shock.

“so he knows, like, for real now?” the slightly older boy clarifies.

“yeah,” taehyun breathes a little easier now. “he does.”

beomgyu pesters taehyun about this for the entirety of their forty five minute train ride, especially after beomgyu figures about the younger boy's plans for the weekend. at first, taehyun just stares at the bright red cushioning of the metro seats as beomgyu talks his ear off. eventually, the brunette can not keep a dopey grin from spreading across his face at the mention of his plans with yeonjun, and gives in. he placates beomgyu, giving the older boy a rundown of his conversations with yeonjun while making sure to not violate the older boy’s privacy. beomgyu lets out an honest to god squeal by the end of taehyun’s story.

“oh my gosh, the ship is sailing!" a sharp wack rings throughout the train car. "hey! that hurt! do kai and soobin know?" beomgyu asks, eyes wide.

“stop it with those puppy eyes because i'm not apologizing, you deserved it. i mean, i didn't tell them anything. won’t they just find out at the carnival?”

“that’s an even better idea! we’ll surprise them!” the older boy lights up. “god, they’ll hate that i know and they don’t. i can’t wait.”

“why do you live to create chaos?”

“look where it's helped get you! you're going on a date with yeonjun. you! kang taehyun, the notorious hardass! i deserve a reward or something.”

“okay, i’ll give you one,” taehyun grins, plastering a sickly sweet smile on his face as he punches beomgyu in the shoulder again.

beomgyu bends over, gasping in pain, while taehyun merely primps his hair. “no need to thank me,” the brunette quips. 

\--

“yeonjun? what’s up?” taehyun picks up the phone friday night, raising an eyebrow even though the older boy can not see it. “is anything wrong?”

“no, no, don’t worry,” yeonjun laughs easily. “i just wanted to talk to you.”

“oh,” taehyun breathes. “hi.”

“hi, taehyun.”

“god, this is a little awkward, isn’t it?” taehyun groans.

“if we don’t acknowledge it, then we can pretend it’s not,” taehyun can hear the grin on yeonjun’s face. “anyways, yeah, i just wanted to see how you’re doing. you still on for tomorrow?”

“i wouldn’t miss it for the world,” taehyun answers truthfully. 

“oh,” yeonjun stops. “i’m...wow. i’m glad to hear that.”

“i’m glad you’re glad.”

“oh god, please do not.”

“what?” taehyun teases. “a battle of words is fitting for us, no? we were english classmates for two years straight.”

“please, you dragged me through those classes. i would not have survived without you.”

“that’s such an exaggeration. mr. moore was so appalled when you didn’t sign up for any advanced english class for your junior year that he called you into his office and gave you a twenty minute pep talk about your talent. you’re good.”

“never as good as you, no one is. you’re special, kang.”

taehyun pauses. receiving compliments from yeonjun has always just felt funny--nice, but funny-- because of how highly he regards the older boy. albeit feeling undeserving of such praise, it does mean a lot to taehyun that these words are coming from yeonjun. “you’re a presence in your own right, jun. i'd say that's worth a little more,” taehyun acknowledges. 

“i think we could make this compliment battle last forever if we went any further, so let’s just come to a healthy compromise," yeonjun recognizes. "what about you game with me, and we see who wins?”

“was this your motive all along?" taehyun narrows his eyes. "is this why you called?" 

"it might be."

"and what would this gaming competition prove?” taehyun asks, a cheeky grin forming on his face. god, yeonjun was so amusing-- what a fool, the younger boy comments to himself in the fondest way possible.

“winning at a video game is all the external validation i need,” yeonjun proclaims, voice full of pride. “there is no other greater mark of success.”

“well, sorry to burst your bubble jun, but i only have animal crossing on my switch so far, and my ps4 was just taken in for repairs because hobak knocked it to the floor last week.”

“hobak did what?”

“yeah, he hit my ps4 and knocked it off of the ledge it was sitting on. i swear his goal is to ruin my life, but i love him, so it’s okay.”

“ah, what a cute cat. you should send me more photos of him." 

“you can see him tomorrow!" taehyun proposes. "i’m sure he’ll be happy to meet you again." 

“now say that without lying,” yeonjun half-jokes. 

taehyun rolls his eyes. “okay, he’ll take a little time to warm up to you, he’s a grumpy kitty. still, he always likes visitors if they rub his belly right.”

“noted. still, do you want to play animal crossing then?”

“oh, i didn’t know you played! sure!” taehyun giggles.

“i hate to inform you, but i’m kind of a pro. if we’re still doing that competition thing, my island will surely beat yours,” yeonjun brags, voice haughty.

“oh, we’ll see about that,” taehyun puts his tongue between his teeth, looking around in concentration for his switch. “ah! found it. sorry, my switch was under my pillow, i have no clue why. okay, what’s your code?”

after visiting each other’s islands, yeonjun does concede; yeonjun’s island was good, but taehyun’s was magnificent.

“good god, how long have you spent on this game?” yeonjun questions, voice full of incredulity as he navigates his avatar around the younger boy's sprawling land. 

“far too long,” taehyun laughs. “getting judy to live on my island is my greatest accomplishment.”

“that’s kind of rich coming from our valedictorian, but i get it. good god, your island is perfect--”

somehow, the call goes on for three whole hours, something neither of them had planned for. they play until midnight, when yeonjun claims that he has to go to bed for his saturday dance practice the next day and implores the slightly younger boy to do the same. “i haven’t forgotten how bad your sleep schedule is, hyun. you should rest.”

“i will, i will,” taehyun agrees, shutting off of his switch. “thanks for playing with me. i’ll see you tomorrow. seven o’clock?”

“that you will. goodnight, taehyun. sleep well, bambi.”

there it is-- taehyun’s childhood nickname. yeonjun had learned of this name of taehyun’s when they were freshman, and had called him it for the entirety of that year. taehyun would be lying if he said he didn’t miss it-- the younger boy always was really flattered whenever yeonjun would speak so favorably with regards to his looks and big, round eyes. a soft smile at the nostalgia of hearing such a name finds its way onto taehyun's face. 

“you too, jun. goodnight.”

\--

“go, run, before my parents come out to interrogate you,” taehyun exclaims, shutting his front door behind him in a flash.

“come on, they can’t be that bad,” yeonjun protests as taehyun grabs him by the wrist, trying to drag the older boy off of his front porch. "hey!" 

“listen, they’re not bad at all, they’re just--”

“yeonjun! good to see you!” a voice calls, and taehyun almost smashes his head into the wooden paneling of his house right then and there.

"overbearing," taehyun whispers to yeonjun, glaring at the older boy from preventing their escape. yeonjun merely ignores the younger boy's antics, turning to his mother with a greeting.

“hi, mrs. kang. it’s nice to see you again.”

“likewise, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? i was so glad to hear from taehyun that you guys are still close! now, i don’t want to keep you two for too long, but taehyun did mention that you wanted to see hobak, so--”

“oh, i’d love to!” yeonjun breathes out, eyes crinkling at the prospect of getting to reunite with hobak. 

“great, i’ll bring him out,” mrs. kang smiles, shoving a rubber door stopper into the space between the wall and the front door. “i’ll be just a second.”

yeonjun looks back at taehyun, who has his head in his hands. “oh my god, you’re so dramatic. your mom is sweet.”

“i know, just--” taehyun whines. “she has so much energy! sometimes she’ll scare people off.”

“she’s the best though, i mean, she’s bringing me hobak!”

“that she is,” taehyun smiles at the older boy as his mom emerges from the home, tabby cat clutched in her arms, who she immediately lets jump to the ground. hobak approaches taehyun immediately, who is standing right by yeonjun’s side, but the cat just eyes the older boy suspiciously at first.

yeonjun crouches down, offering down a hand to the cat. “hi hobak, baby. it’s been a while. remember me?” hobak sniffs at his hand cautiously at first, but allows yeonjun to pet him, inching closer as the older boy continues to stroke his fur.

“so, yeonjun, how are your parents?”

“ah, they’re good, they’re good,” yeonjun replies, taking great amusement in the pained look on taehyun’s face. “they say hi, by the way. maybe they’ll come around soon so they can tell you that in person, but saturdays are always busy for the restaurant, so…” he trails off.

“well, i’m happy to hear business is doing well for them! how about you? how was graduation and finishing out school?” 

“oh, it was okay. it got busy towards the end but i’m just happy to be out. i’m going to NYU in the fall, actually.”

“oh my, that’s terrific! congratulations! that’s a really great school, i’m glad you’re getting the chance to go. i’m sure you know where taehyun is going by now~” his mom sing songs, and taehyun groans, shoving his face further into his palms.

“mom--” the brunette whines, and yeonjun just laughs. the entire student body knew where taehyun was going, how could anyone not, with him being the valedictorian and all. yeonjun knows that northeastern is so lucky to have someone like taehyun though, a once in a lifetime kind of person with his deadly combination of diligence and wisdom.

“ah, i’m just proud of you sweetie,” mrs. kang coos and taehyun softens up, tension gone from his shoulders.

“i know mom. i appreciate it.”

yeonjun finds himself beaming at the cute family moment as he rubs hobak’s belly, who is now laying on his back and purring at the blue-haired boy. “cat whisperer,” taehyun mutters when he looks over, laughing openly.

“okay, i don’t want to keep you kids too long. yeonjun, i’m sure you know taehyun’s curfew--”

“don't worry, i’ll have him back around midnight, most likely,” yeonjun answers, which mrs. kang smiles at. yeonjun doesn’t say that he knows about taehyun breaking his one o’clock curfew on the night of their graduation, but from the shit-eating grin taehyun is wearing, yeonjun is pretty sure that mrs. kang must have some idea about her son’s terrible sleeping habits and tendency to sneak out.

“thank you. now, go have fun you two! enjoy your night. say hello to your parents for me please, yeonjun.”

“will do, see you!” yeonjun waves over his shoulder as taehyun makes a grab for his shoulder, guiding the boy off of his front step.

"bye mom!" taehyun shoots over his shoulder as he all but drags yeonjun off of his front lawn and towards the curb where yeonjun had parked his car.

“your mom is so cute hyun. i see where you got it from now,” the blue-haired boy teases.

“oh god, you’ve started early tonight.”

“my charm is always on, thank you very much,” yeonjun rebuttals, opening the door to his red convertible. “you may enter, good sir,” he gestures at the passenger’s seat before holding out his hand for taehyun. the younger boy rolls his eyes but takes it just the same, stepping into yeonjun’s car. “you can plug in your phone, choose whatever music you’d like.”

“a true romantic,” taehyun swoons, but he does as he’s asked, and pulls up his spotify app. giveon’s latest r&b track suddenly fills the car, something yeonjun finds himself grinning at.

“hey, you still listen to giveon?”

“yeah! i really liked his stuff that you showed to me, so i’ve been keeping up with him ever since,” taehyun replies, the corner of his lips pulling up. “this is my current favorite song of his.”

taehyun grooves to the beat in the passenger’s seat, and yeonjun does the same while ensuring that he keeps a hand on the steering wheel and eyes on the road (ever responsible of him, but yeonjun would not risk anything going wrong tonight). neither of them speak too much, but it’s comfortable, much more than it had been at the park that one day. taehyun was glad how much easier everything felt now that he had been forward about his attraction to the older.

they’re stopped a red light when yeonjun peeks over at the youngest boy, who’s looking out the window, staring at nothing in particular. the radio is blaring the chorus to “like i want you”, and yeonjun finds himself growing more and more eager as the bright lights of the carnival get closer in view.

\--

the carnival is a sight to say the least, full of striking, rainbow neon signs and blaring, EDM house music-- yeonjun actually knows the dj, who is a friend of his parents. there’s a couple dozen rides set up at the sizable lot, from a ferris wheel to spinning teacups. there’s also a row of food trucks and tents set up in one corner, selling art prints, handmade jewelry and raffle tickets. yeonjun sticks out his hand for taehyun to take as they navigate their way through the lines of vendors, some of whom yeonjun realizes he knows and subsequently greets upon further inspection. yeonjun laces his fingers through taehyun’s as they walk around the parking lot, eventually passing a group of their peers, who call out to the blue-haired boy. yeonjun grants them a short smile but leans closer to taehyun, whispering “what do you want to do first?” in his ear. taehyun shoots a glance in the direction of their peers, raising an eyebrow at yeonjun who merely shakes his head. “i don’t need to see them. you don’t either,” he claims, leading taehyun away, who curiously sneaks a look back over in that direction despite his better judgement.

off to the side, standing next to the bumper cars, is the group of boys from earlier, the ones who tried to coax taehyun into spilling his crush to the entire school with venomous tones of voice and poorly concealed snickers. something pools in taehyun’s stomach, a cold, biting sensation of sorts, but yeonjun just squeezes his hand as a form of reassurance. “it’s okay, let’s just go over here,” yeonjun coaxes, gently tugging the younger boy to the polar express. “do you want to ride this?” he gestures to the ride. “i’m not sure which kind of things you like, but we don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“you’re sweet, but i’m okay. i’ll try anything,” taehyun answers, tightening his grip on the older boy’s hand. he doesn’t know if the other boys have spotted them, but even so, he feels like their eyes are on his back. 

“you’ll regret saying that in a moment,” yeonjun gives a wicked grin. “but come on, the polar express is fun. it’s not too fast either, so it’s a good one to start off with.”

the lines are short at the carnival, thankfully, so they’re on and off the ride before taehyun can even blink. “not fast?” he questions when they’re walking off, hair tousled from the wind. taehyun is slightly pouting as he looks up at the older boy.

“it’s not that bad!” yeonjun laughs. “you don’t like fast rides that much, i presume?”

“i don’t hate them, they’re just...god that was too fast.”

“slower rides then?”

“please,” taehyun agrees, and yeonjun is dragging him off to another ride: the carousel. the next couple of hours are a blur of rides, but the two of them do spot kai and soobin halfway through the night, whom they quickly greet (despite the couple's squawks of protest, demanding to know everything about how exactly they ended up here together). they finish off their stay by riding the ferris wheel in classic romcom fashion, something yeonjun was deadset on re-creating ("it's not even about the ferris wheel itself, it's about the romantic aura of it, taehyun," the older boy had insisted). at the end of the night, yeonjun buys the younger boy ice cream as a peace offering of sorts, because taehyun was sure to still give yeonjun hell for making him go on that extremely fast first ride.

“my treat,” yeonjun interjects, quickly taking out his wallet and swiping his card before taehyun can even so much as protest.

“i mean, i’m not complaining, but i have to pay you back somehow, you know.”

“no you don’t.”

“yes i do, and i will,” taehyun scans the parking lot. “oh god, i have a terrible idea,” he says, eating a small spoonful of ice cream. “come with me.”

yeonjun laughs as taehyun is now the one to grab yeonjun’s wrist, firmly dragging him over to the row of tents with various carnival games set up.

“what’s your favorite animal?” taehyun asks once they're standing in front of the closest tent, a look of fierce determination on his face.

“oh god, taehyun, we are going to be here for ages--” yeonjun complains, but there is mirth shining in his eyes.

“not if i manage to get the ball through the hoop," taehyun rebuttals, still staring up at the wall of stuffed toy prizes. "now, about that animal. do you still like foxes?”

“yeah,” the older boy breathes out. “didn’t think you would remember it though. that red fox is pretty cute.”

“noted,” taehyun runs over, a few tickets in hand. he fails on two out of his first three tries, but when he exchanges tickets a second time, he makes a basket on his first and third attempts. this feat doesn’t win him the biggest prize, a large stuffed bear, but it does allow him to pick out one of the smaller stuffed animals-- which coincidentally was the size in which they had the red fox yeonjun had pointed out earlier. taehyun proudly points at the stuffed fox when picking out his prize, and yeonjun’s face turns as bright red as the fox’s fur as taehyun pawns it over.

“here’s compensation for the ice cream you bought,” taehyun smiles. “gosh, it’s really cute. hope you like it.”

“wow, it even looks like me,” yeonjun laughs, scrunching up his nose so that his expression mirrors that of the fox. soon they’re both giggling, holding cups of melted ice cream as they begin to exit the parking lot and re-enter the neighborhood. the carnival was ending as it was around midnight, and the two of them figured they'd better try to beat the rest of their town out of the place before they had to deal with too much traffic. they end up walking around a bunch of winding residential roads, trying to spot yeonjun’s red car amongst the sea of automobiles piled into the streets adjacent to the carnival. yeonjun’s laugh tinkers in the air as taehyun explains how his real-life basketball career had ended-- he was eight years old when he broke his arm tripping over the ball of all things-- but how he had used the cast on his left arm to get out of doing homework assignments for a triumphant two months. the younger boy vaguely registers that they’re holding hands halfway through his story, yeonjun holding his stuffed fox in the hand that’s not intertwined with taehyun’s. taehyun was always extremely fond of hand holding, and even though a tiny part of himself worries that his hand is getting clammy in yeonjun’s hold, he fully enjoys the gesture. they finally spot yeonjun’s car, tucked underneath a tree by the back of a dead end road, and yeonjun unlocks it, putting his fox in the backseat before he shuts the door. taehyun doesn't know why, but he doesn't make a move from where he's standing by the side of the car, he doesn't start walking towards the passenger's door and opening it like he should be. it's one of those things that just happens, the universe working in its mysterious ways, but him and yeonjun are now staring at each other, separated by a mere two feet of distance on the side of this road. taehyun’s heart is racing, beating out of its chest as yeonjun turns towards him, smiling in that pretty way of his. it's only natural that the next thing the both of them do is step forward, closing the gap between their bodies until their chests are mere centimeters from one another.

“is this okay?” yeonjun asks, moving his other hand to settle on taehyun’s waist. taehyun nods, speechless. people always have told taehyun that when the moment was right, he’d be able to feel it. such a statement always sent the younger boy reeling, mind continuing to fret over how exactly he would be able to know when his time to kiss someone would come. however, the saying rings true, taehyun realizes, when they’re both tilting their heads-- almost simultaneously, completely in sync with one another-- and then their lips are brushing together. it’s a new sensation for taehyun, full of searing warmth; taehyun feels like his waist and cheek, where yeonjun’s palms are delicately placed on his skin, have been lit on fire. his entire body is tingling for the duration of the chaste kiss, and all taehyun can really register is how soft yeonjun’s plump lips are. the world freezes around them for those few seconds where taehyun’s lips are pressed against yeonjun’s. the younger boy’s back is slightly digging into the side of yeonjun’s car, something that will certainly leave a bruise, but taehyun decides he doesn’t care-- he’s much more attune to the light pressure of yeonjun’s lips on his. it’s all-consuming, overriding the existence of reality around them. in those few moments it’s just taehyun and yeonjun, entangled with one another under a crabapple tree, lips locked. it’s not perfect, taehyun falters for a moment and internally criticizes himself for a full two seconds afterwards, but neither of them break apart. yeonjun is still kissing him with so much affection that taehyun’s fingers are curling into the older boy’s collar, with his knees feeling like they’re buckling under him. 

eventually, the two are forced to separate for air, both panting slightly as they do so. taehyun’s eyes flicker down subconsciously to yeonjun’s full pink lips once again, the older boy observing the younger’s movement with the same watchful intent. an overhead street light is blaring down on them from the side of this quaint little road, and taehyun still has his fists balled in yeonjun’s collar; the older boy also having a firm grasp on taehyun’s waist. the thing that finally breaks them apart is whooping heard from the next road over, and it becomes evident that the carnival has let out and more people are approaching. yeonjun starts the process of untangling their limbs, rubbing his thumb over taehyun’s knuckles as he does so. “come on, hyun. it’s ten minutes to midnight, and i have to get you home,” yeonjun whispers, placing another kiss on the crown of taehyun’s head, just like he did so often during their freshman year. 

taehyun thinks in color, and for the entirety of that fifteen minute car ride, the color his mind focuses on is red. sure, taehyun would always associate yeonjun with the color blue, but in a way, that was only a portion of the whole painting. today, taehyun associates yeonjun with red-- the red color of his car, the red hue of the crabapples hanging above them as they kissed, the reddish tinge to his lips, the smattering of red blush across taehyun’s own cheeks that the older boy was entirely responsible for. red symbolizes a spiritual awakening, or the joy of life and love. it’s the color of energy and passion, commanding attention with its entire being. red is dynamic, with a fire-like intensity that it radiates across its surroundings.

taehyun can still feel the heat on his skin from where yeonjun kissed him. it pierces at his body, but in such an enticing way that he finds himself initiating their second kiss-- his second kiss-- while they’re whispering hushed words to one another on his own front porch. taehyun pushes himself on his tiptoes and captures yeonjun’s lips in a parting gesture, but it’s not a goodbye; instead, it’s one that promises a greater future for the two of them, at least for this last summer.

(yeonjun doesn’t find out that it was taehyun’s first kiss until two weeks into july, a point at which they’d been dating for around a month. upon finding out, his eyes bug out of his head as he explains that he assumed taehyun had at least kissed someone else before considering the fact that he was a pretty good kisser-- something the younger boy attributes to the excess number of coming of age films he had watched. he learned how to kiss because of them. when yeonjun asks if his first kiss went how he had imagined it would go, taehyun merely smiles.

“it was better than imaginable. it was with you,” the younger boy answers simply.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so what have we learned from this fic? basically, we've just learned that i'm absolutely terrible at updating (it's been almost three weeks at this point-- please no one look at me, i'm very sorry for not knowing how to manage my time). also, i can't write to save my life, but that's another story for another day! <3
> 
> in all seriousness, this was the first multi-part fic i've ever written. yes, it's pure wish manifestation on my part (because yeonjun is definitely based on someone i know and taehyun's thoughts at certain points in this fic totally mirror mine towards said person. does anyone else associate people with colors? because i definitely do, so i certainly took that quality and ran with it during this story). wish manifestation/irl-inspired fics are kind of my brand so far if i'm being completely honest, but it's something i'm looking to change. i'm quite excited to start playing around with more complex plot ideas in the coming weeks/months. hopefully, one day, i'll be able to create something that i'm really proud of. for now, i give you this, which despite all of its flaws, i am proud of. i hope you all get your happy endings like taejun get here <3 and be bold! be brave when you can be and let people know how you feel. it'll pay off in the long run and i'm rooting for you!
> 
> finally, thank you so much for reading. it means a lot to me, as you can hopefully tell by this long-winded final note. the support i've gotten for my writing has been so pleasantly surprising (like i can't wrap my mind around the fact that people have read my stuff. it's insane to me). it's helped me keep posting+writing even at times where i wasn't sure if i should, when i wasn't sure if my stories were good enough. yeah, thank you so much. hope you're all safe and healthy! much love <3
> 
> p.s. oh, if you read new, i am making myself stick to a schedule so expect the final chapter of that taejun fic at 8 PM EST on saturday 7/25. besides that, i have nothing left to say. take care!  
> twitter: @DECALCOMONlA


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